Monday, November 18, 2013

Don't Roll Your Eyes

"[John] Gottman has proven something remarkable.  If he analyzes an hour of a husband and wife talking, he can predict with 95 percent accuracy whether that couple will still be married fifteen years later."  - Malcom Gladwell, Blink.

How does he do it?  By looking at the microexpressions on their faces while they have meaningful communication.  Each expression conveys an emotion or attitude.  The "Four Horsemen" of negative emotion are: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt.  But within those four, the king is contempt.  Contempt is the single strongest indication that a marriage is in trouble.

A disagreement, even criticism, can be discussed rationally and worked through.  But contempt is putting the other person on a lower plane than you.  It is immediately discounting what they are saying for no other reason than because you feel superior to them.  That is detrimental.

So what is the facial expression that indicates contempt?  You guessed it: eye-rolling.





  

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